Thankful

I was ironing my baju kurung for tmrw's dept raya lunch, when ntv7 recapped its talian hayat program for the passed year. Something like tv3's bersamamu. I've never really watched these kind of programs coz its depressing to watch. Inevitably, it made me look at my own life for the past 27 years and reminded me of how privileged I am compared to these people.

I've never really experienced any hardships before. Not that I want to, and I hope it stays that way. My parents have always been able to provide for me and the family. I'm no rich kid, my mom was a primary school english teacher and my dad was a non-exec in tnb my whole life. But never once they've denied me of the things I need or want. Well, I didnt ask for much anyway. But whatever I did ask, I got. I know my parents didnt have any money saved for me and my sibling's education post high school. And I've never really thought about it ever too. I guess I was pretty confident that we'll all get scholarships, which we did. Ever since I got the tnb scholarship (right after spm), I've never asked any money from the parents, coz tnb gave me pocket money. Studies wise, I'm glad I went to tkc (which I've never heard before prior to getting the offer) coz that's where I got to know some really amazing people, and the standard of education and teachers there were also top notch. I also got to study in the states, which was my only choice. I was thinking of all the entertainment stuff I see on tv and they're all from the US, I wanted to go to concerts and all. Really shallow thinking at the time but I was young lol. It was a good decision anyway coz I've never regretted going to Umich (en.azman wanted me to go to uiuc but its too kampung for my taste). Umich has been one of the best things that's ever happened to me, regardless of the suffering I had to endure, studies-wise. I didn't want to go to UK (just because there's too many malaysians there, hhahaha action sungguh aku ni), and definitely not Japan coz I didnt want to learn a new language. Work-wise, I actually wanted to get into this dept I'm in right now. During our preparation program, we went to site visits to many places and I was always playing around and not paying attention coz none of the places interest me. But when we came to visit nldc (my dept now), I said to myself, this is the dept i wanna work at. Didn't think I'd get it but I did. I really like my job, its just that the management and everything else sucks, but what else is new, almost everyone I know are not happy with their company's management one way or another. Its just the magnitude of sucki-ness that differs. But complaining doesn't get me anywhere or do any good, its just a matter of taking things into my own hands. I have my own plans for the future. I'm lucky enough to have my own car (well not exactly mine but an extra car at home). It doesnt matter that none of the cars my father bought are brand new, but he does a good job in maintaning them and I've always had no problem with transportation. My office is 5 minutes drive from home. I'm lucky to have great friends in my life, and I also consciously stay away from those I don't like or give me bad vibes. I'm lucky to have enough money to spend for myself, and give some to my parents. And while I do, I'm gonna spend it the way I want and do the things I like and go the places I want and at the same time save some for the future, strike a balance.

So what I'm trying to say is, I've had a good life for the past 27 years, and I pray to God it'll stay that way till the day I die. I've never aspired to be rich but just comfortable and happy. There is probably one area in my life that I've never gotten what I wanted, or rather, I've been rather unlucky. So much so that I don't really care anymore. One of my friends even told me that I'm already jaded, and a large part of me knows that she's right. I know its the one missing piece in my life. But I'm not gonna dwell on that, and just concentrate on the good things. Whatever happens, or don't happen, these is a good reason for it. There are so many other things in life to enjoy and that's what I've been doing all my life.

But I'm still bummed that I'm not a rock star.

To a 100 more years of good and fulfilling life.