Music: I’d Rather Go Blind by Etta James
Its been a fast-paced and meetings-laden past 3 weeks, crazier than usual. Not sure if im experiencing burn out, but i am tired nevertheless. Learning about oneself is a life-long process. I might be different before, but at this much older age, I don’t think I’m cut out for this kind of situation. Busy sometimes is ok. Makes me feel useful. But too long and I’ll be like, fuck everything. Thing is I can’t just drop stuff. Responsibilities and amanah warrants me to trudge on, adulting sucks. I guess this is just a natural progression, I am being paid to do these things, to make decisions, to take responsibility, to lead.. while being led. I saw my big boss’ schedule for the next 2 weeks, its freakin’ crazy. How do these top people sustain? How are they ‘on’ all the time? How do they juggle? How can their brains work constantly? Being in the position I’m currently at, i’m still learning the ropes. There’s alot of managing people to do, taking advantage of relationships to get work done, maneuvering my steps and words, networking, its so tiring. I’ve been talking too much with too many people these days, I miss the days I need only care about operations and technical stuff to get the job done, when human factors and interactions are minimal. I wanna do something I love, but I got no guts. Stable income is not something I’m willing to forgo. I’m utterly fearful of losing money. I can take all other risks except when it comes to money. Its not that I’m living the high-roller life.. just that, I’m safe. Wow I’m rambling already.
At this point, I just wanna retreat into my cocoon. Many times I just want to shut off my phone and be off grid. Disappear, totally. I need to recharge, I guess. Turn my brain off. Managed to do it in bits and pieces though. Watched 4 eps of Billions today to finish off the season. I’ll take it haha. The Good Place has been cheering me up too! Can’t wait to binge S2. I think the next few weeks will be okay though. The busyness should subside and I’ll be at the normal more palatable work pace again, here’s to hoping.
An opportunity presented itself last week when I was talking to a friend’s sister about her travel business, and her plans for expansion. Is the universe talking to me? Trying to nudge me in a direction that could possibly give me a more satisfying and happier life? I’ve talked a lot about ‘leaving’, but do I really dare venture into uncharted territory, at least where I’m concerned? Or am I just going to stay complacent? The very thing I try to avoid getting sucked into, I’m aware, I’m conscious about it, but what am I doing to not fall into the trappings of being too comfortable and stagnant? Brain so mushed up, I’m all over the place. Indecisions. Uncertainties. Everything’s a blur, I’m sleepwalking through life. I dont’ want to be robot.
Its been a fast-paced and meetings-laden past 3 weeks, crazier than usual. Not sure if im experiencing burn out, but i am tired nevertheless. Learning about oneself is a life-long process. I might be different before, but at this much older age, I don’t think I’m cut out for this kind of situation. Busy sometimes is ok. Makes me feel useful. But too long and I’ll be like, fuck everything. Thing is I can’t just drop stuff. Responsibilities and amanah warrants me to trudge on, adulting sucks. I guess this is just a natural progression, I am being paid to do these things, to make decisions, to take responsibility, to lead.. while being led. I saw my big boss’ schedule for the next 2 weeks, its freakin’ crazy. How do these top people sustain? How are they ‘on’ all the time? How do they juggle? How can their brains work constantly? Being in the position I’m currently at, i’m still learning the ropes. There’s alot of managing people to do, taking advantage of relationships to get work done, maneuvering my steps and words, networking, its so tiring. I’ve been talking too much with too many people these days, I miss the days I need only care about operations and technical stuff to get the job done, when human factors and interactions are minimal. I wanna do something I love, but I got no guts. Stable income is not something I’m willing to forgo. I’m utterly fearful of losing money. I can take all other risks except when it comes to money. Its not that I’m living the high-roller life.. just that, I’m safe. Wow I’m rambling already.
At this point, I just wanna retreat into my cocoon. Many times I just want to shut off my phone and be off grid. Disappear, totally. I need to recharge, I guess. Turn my brain off. Managed to do it in bits and pieces though. Watched 4 eps of Billions today to finish off the season. I’ll take it haha. The Good Place has been cheering me up too! Can’t wait to binge S2. I think the next few weeks will be okay though. The busyness should subside and I’ll be at the normal more palatable work pace again, here’s to hoping.
An opportunity presented itself last week when I was talking to a friend’s sister about her travel business, and her plans for expansion. Is the universe talking to me? Trying to nudge me in a direction that could possibly give me a more satisfying and happier life? I’ve talked a lot about ‘leaving’, but do I really dare venture into uncharted territory, at least where I’m concerned? Or am I just going to stay complacent? The very thing I try to avoid getting sucked into, I’m aware, I’m conscious about it, but what am I doing to not fall into the trappings of being too comfortable and stagnant? Brain so mushed up, I’m all over the place. Indecisions. Uncertainties. Everything’s a blur, I’m sleepwalking through life. I dont’ want to be robot.
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