Aku tak boleh tidur.. so I've been doing some blog hopping for the past 2 hours.. something that I rarely do. It's too time consuming, dan juga tiring. I'm also not interested in reading about the lives of people I don't know and don't care about. I only frequent 3 particular blogs every day. As for the remaining 40+ blogs that are bookmarked in my browser, I visit them about once a week. Maybe twice, depends on my degree of boredom.

Anyway, I made some new blog discoveries.. a couple of friends' and acquaintances'. But paling terkejut sekali, I found my sister's blog!! waaaahhhh.. It's like venturing into a whole new world hahahhaha.. dramatic la pulak. Well.. senang cakap, aku mmg tak close with my sister (and brother). Reading her blog was an eye opener, made me realize a few things..

I sometimes wonder how most bloggers boleh meluahkan perasaan gila gila punya. Don't these bloggers feel transparent? Or do they want to be transparent? Don't they care when strangers read? bla bla byk lagi I'm too lazy to type it all out. For me, I can only write so much, or I'll risk feeling vulnerable. I don't feel comfortable "pouring my heart out" for others to read, it's too private. But isn't this the whole point of blogging, a public 'personal' diary? So why the hell do I have one when I cannot write honestly? Well.. I guess it's part for show.. yes.. for show... and part for my own amusement (mengisi masa lapang?) It's also natural for humans to want what others have. Haha. Sedihnya.

In my pov lah kan.. to write secara honestly 100%, is to write the first thing that comes to mind.. buat ayat tak yah pk dulu.. kalau ada grammar/spelling mistake (sbb type laju sangat ke, tersalah tekan keyboard ke..), jgn betulkan.. because u might lose ur train of thoughts.. in a way, it's like speaking.. we cannot take back what we say.. but we can erase/alter what we write.. so what i mean by not writing 100% honestly.. is something like.. tulis bbrp ayat.. lepas tu betulkan sana sini sikit2.. tukar words sana sini sikit2.. mmg lah the perasaan yg dirasai semasa tulis tu dapat disampaikan.. tapi tak fully honest.. i'm talking about when writing ur emotions here.. kalau nak sampaikan facts, i guess it's better to structure ur sentences carefully.. depends la on the person.

as i'm writing this entry, god knows how many times I've altered my sentences.. and I choose my words carefully.. I stop to think what my next sentence will be..

well.. i am generalizing here, biasa lah. there are many different kind of bloggers out there, duh.. i'm only talking about one of the many types that exist. i'm not saying it's a bad thing either. hehh.. i'm clearly making a disclaimer here, like most bloggers do. why? why must I justify what I previously said? it's irritating u know.. to read, and write disclaimers like this... tapi aku buat jugak. tapi kenapa? pk sendiri. lol.