Silent Pain

Music: Stand By Me by Ben E King (Jason Mraz cover)

As of today I've made 4 visits to the orthopaedic for my cacat left knee and ankle..
The first one 3 weeks ago, the doc decided that my ankle needed an mri scan.. coz its been bengkak for a month already at the time, what with me running 10km and climbing mt kinabalu with the swollen left ankle (sprained it when i was playing tennis).. well, it wasn't a bother coz there was no pain, just a swell that did not go away..

If he could have his way, the doc wanted to do an mri on my knee as well, but he couldn't think of a justification to the insurance company why i needed 2 mri scans.. it wasn't his problem really but it was really nice of him to think it for me. Despite the acute and searing pain on my knee during my descend from mt kinabalu which was so unbearable only god understands, the doc said if its not painful anymore, lets just leave it at that. So he settled for just an x-ray on the knee.

The next visit 2 days later, the doc confirmed that there is a grade 2 ligamen tear on my ankle.. he proposed a treatment called PRP.. platelet rich plasma... which is relatively new in malaysia, but a common treatment amongst the athletes in the states for the past 15-20 years.. Platelets in the blood renew cells, so the idea is to get a concentrated amount of platelets.. say about 90% and inject to the injured area to accelerate the healing process. All this i googled lah. Doc told me to think about it and let him know of my decision the next week. The physio therapist gave me 2 ankle braces and told me to wear it at all times. After some minimal info gathering, and confirmation from pmcare that the treatment will be covered, i told the doc I'm all for it, on my 3rd visit.

So today was the 4th visit. The doc drew 30ml of my blood, put it in a machine that spins it for 15 minutes.. and walla.. my blood was divided into a 3 red-colored layers of different hue intensities.. low plasma, platelet, red cells.. i hope i got this right haha. There was only about 5ml of platelets obtained.

I honestly thought the doc was going to local anes the area around my torn ligamen, but damn was i mistaken. I didn't see the needle but it felt like it was as huge as a pencil. When he injected the needle into my ligamen... the pain was horrible, it was soooooooooo painful i struggled not to shout. There wasn't any bed railings that I could grab, so I had to grab the bedsheets.. my mouth clamped.. i looked at the nurses for help to ease my pain but all they could do was watch and give me sympathetic looks.. The undescribable pain continued for at least 10 seconds, which felt like a lifetime, as the doc pushed the syringe containing my platelets into my ligamen... and even after it was over, the ligering pain was still too much...the nurses dressed my ankle and left me alone..  told me to take my time.. i couldn't walk so i laid on the bed for at least 10 minutes for the pain to subside.. It took great effort for me to not cry during the whole ordeal.. if only there was someone that i could call... i put back my ankle guard on... and hobbled towards the reception to schedule my next appointment. It was painful while driving home as well coz I drive a manual so kena tekan clutch.

And I have no one to talk to about all of it.